Saturday, January 9, 2016

In That Moment of Suffering Chapter 24 – Senna’s Thoughts

Chapter 24!

Suffering Chapter 24 – Senna’s Thoughts

I’m going to die.

I’m really going to die.

…All those moments that I thought I would die. Time and time again, I experienced various poisons burning through my body eating away at my flesh. I desperately clung to life praying to survive, knowing that when I lost consciousness it would be the end. Yet… somehow I always manage to wake up. Possibly because of some twisted appeal that my former master saw in me, whatever that was.

With everything I’ve been through, I had thought I had accepted dying. I’ve been living in such a hell believing so. I simply clung to life hoping that things would turn for the better. I knew it would be easier to just give up. But I unconsciously accepted that it would be pointless in the end.

Why do I have to suffer in such a way? What did I do to deserve this? Even though I’m going to die, why do I still have regrets? Had I not kept my distance to prevent myself from forming lingering attachments?

“Ah.” I shake my head. “No good. I’m babbling to myself…” I lift my head and look up at the sky. No demons can be seen yet, but with the number seen with my <Clairvoyance> spell, I’ll see them soon enough.

“I wish I had more time.” I mutter that wish silently to myself. After a vigorous 3 hours of spell casting, my body is overworked. If I had known the town would be in such dire straits, I wouldn’t have burnt myself out crafting with my magic. I could have made better preparations if I was in my best condition. I would actually have a chance at surviving and repelling this attack. Now I can only gamble on how long I can stall them and hope that I somehow repel them.



…Hahh… What’s the point in complaining about the past? What’s done is done… I wonder if I did something in my past to accrue such terrible luck.

Thinking back on it, I spent 8 years of my life enduring Rimmer’s torment. My appearance had not changed the entire time. Maybe that was the only reason he kept me around so long. Or maybe I’m forced to suffer because I accepted my fate so long ago.

I can’t help but feel guilty that Ariel wasted her time saving me. She expended a lot of effort to save me. And for whatever odd reason, she persists in keeping in contact with me. I don’t understand why she keeps in contact with me. I honestly doubt it is friendship. Her behavior is too insistent for that. The possibility that she’s in love with me pops up from time to time, but I feel our statuses is too different for that. She is an angel and goddess, while I’m a defiled slave.

Remilia was kind enough to grant me such an abnormal status. I’m grateful at times since it helps me survive, but every time I look at my [Status], I’m only filled with dread. I saved her daughter, yes. But I don’t feel her rewarding me with this status and skills befits the help I provided. It’s such a persistent worry that I avoid looking at my [Status] as much as possible.

My [Status] is more problematic than anything else. With it, I somehow manage to survive despite the chaotic encounters I experience. But the negatives are just as prevalent. I realized a while back just how abnormal I am.

When Anahid took me along on a mission to subjugate thieves alongside the <Pact of Ambition>, I was worried. Could I really kill someone? I’ve killed multiple goblins without regret. I prioritized my own life, so it wasn’t like I had the time to worry about a monster’s life. Even when I fought monsters under a more normal setting, bombarding them with magic, I felt nothing. However, killing a living human being was something different altogether.

It turns out, I was worried for nothing. When we were close to a nearby town, thieves were already attacking the village. I burst ahead without thinking hoping to save anyone I could. Leaving behind the clan, I quickly reached the town with my high speed. Parts of the town were already burning by the time I reached them. I quickly used a large amount of <Water Magic> as I put out the flames.

I drew significant attention to myself making some thieves turn and target me. The closest two thieves charges at me with wicked smiles on their face. They both carried rusted swords poised to attack me. With a simple thought, I formed a single [Earth Shot] from stone and shaped it in the form of sharpened drill. Rotating it and firing it at top speed, my spell sped off and burst through one of the thieves’ heads popping it like a balloon. No signal, he’s dead. I turn my attention to the other thief as the dead one crashes to the ground still squirting blood.

The other thief turned his head to look at his dead friend. Too easy. I stepped forward and used some strength rocketing my body towards the other thief. I closed the distance and sliced through his neck with my katana. Putting away my katana, I grabbed the freshly severed head and pitched towards a distant thief. It flew and crashed into a panicking thief’s skull. He would probably die like that, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I casted [Earth Lance] without chanting and skewered him directly in between his legs. A large stalagmite formed entering through the thief’s ass and passed through his body before erupting through his skull.

The [Earth Shot] I had previously fired had pierced through another thief’s head with minor correction from me. After that, I altered its path slightly and directed it at the last of the thieves outside of town. The remaining thief tried to run, but my spell was faster. It struck directly on the thief’s back piercing through him as it lifted him off his feet. ……Oops…… I probably should have active [Hawk Eyes] sooner, I meant to strike the head, not his back. …Well he died either way.

With the thieves subjugated outside the town, I leapt into the air and onto a roof and got a good view of the village. Seeing the sight before me only deepened my rage. Homes were burning as some thieves lit them on fire purely to cause chaos. Others were pillaging from abandoned homes, while a few were simply cutting down townspeople for fun. Using my [Water] spell to the maximum, I manipulated 5 different columns of water as they put out the burning homes.

Terminating the [Water] spell, I got to work cleaning up the thieves. The ten thieves outside were easily caught as I formed vines under their feet using the <Earth Magic> spell <Nature’s Binding>. The vines lifted them into the air and slammed the thieves back into the ground, once, twice, thrice with a large amount of force. Dizzy from the attack, the vines lift the unresisting thieves even higher under they are above the homes at my eye level. I have to use more intricate control to capture the last five thieves inside of the homes. I form vines in the middle of the street and have them enter the homes through open windows and doors. Dragged out of the home, the thieves are slammed into the ground disorienting them in the same way before lining them up with their friends.

The fifteen thieves are all captured and lined up in a straight line in front of me. I formed another drill shaped [Earth Shot], a bit larger than a man’s fist. The rock is condensed as hard as possible to break through all of the bodies in one go. Focusing on it, I made sure it spun as fast as possible. With a flick of my hand, the drill shot off piercing through all 15 thieves. With the amount of magical power I condensed into the shot, it’s no surprise that it could pierce them so easily even with their armor.

Seeing no more threats, I jumped down from the roof. I knew right there that I messed up. The shocked townspeople stared at me with amazement, shock, and fear. My display of magic was apparently far too violent and ruthless for them. One person screamed and created a ripple effect as everyone in the vicinity escaped. Within moments, the streets were completely devoid of people.

I yelled out to the townspeople hiding in the area offering to heal their injuries. But despite my offer, no one moved from their hiding spot. They were probably too scared of me that they didn’t think I was telling the truth. Sighing to myself, I left a few health and blood regenerating potions to help the wounded. I gathered the thieves’ corpses at a place outside of town. By the time I am finished, the others finally arrive in the village.

Anahid hugged me right away, but the others stiffly stared at the mountain of dead bandits. I was heavily scolded by Bernard because I killed all of them without a second thought. Now they couldn’t interrogate any of the thieves to find their base. Partly to capture any remaining thieves, while the rest was to raid the thieves’ accumulated treasure. Luckily, I found a few remaining thieves with <Scan> discovering their base easily.

When we were returning back to town, the atmosphere was a lot more strained. People that were happily talking and hitting on me were now averting their gazes. Anahid and Davor still talked with me normally, probably because they care? Rache was too interested in discussing my skill in magic to fear me apparently. Bernard was wary, but still acted professionally with me. I made some excuses about regretting killing the thieves to break away from the clan for a while.

It gave me some time to think about it and it solidified my thoughts on leaving soon. I didn’t mind that the rest of the clan thought of me as a ‘monster’. I couldn’t really refute it because of how abnormal my stats are. Though I don’t care what others think of me, I expect it would be a lot harder to swallow if Anahid and my parents started seeing me in the same way. Just the thought sends shivers down my spine.

I decided to make preparations to start travelling. I had already learned the basics for maintaining my equipment from Anahid. A more pressing issue was cooking food. I’ve never cooked before, so it left me at a loss. I had Mom teach me the basics for various recipes. I practiced them over and over, but the food began to overflow at home. We couldn’t eat it all and storing everything is useful, but I couldn’t get critique about my work that way. I didn’t plan to go back to the clan right after saying I would leave for a while. The only option left was to cook for other people.

Luckily, I quickly found a restaurant that wasn’t doing well. The owner was unmotivated to say the least, and was more than happy to push all the work onto me. Complete control of a restaurant while being unsupervised was a bit unexpected but it worked out somehow. My reputation in town drew in more customers and exponentially increased the work I had to manage. I gave up managing things normally and simply used magic to make up for the lack of help. Customers were surprised at first, but quickly got used to it. I benefited greatly as my magic related skills rose without bounds.

I also made a lot of travel money in a short amount of time. The owner, Dassler, was quite negligent, only restocking ingredients once a week. I had to prepare everything on my own. I also had to pester him nonstop until he agreed to hire some more help to serve at the restaurant. By the time the restaurant’s popularity started to peak, I was only giving him 5% of the day’s profits. Technically, it was more than his profits before I came, so he had no complaints, not that he knew the exact profits anyways.

With my preparations done, I cut ties with the restaurant. I just had to wait for Anahid to return from the clan’s expedition and spend some time with her before slipping away. I couldn’t leave normally because the family was guaranteed to stop me from leaving and Anahid would definitely follow me. It would be really underhanded, but I planned to pull a favor with Davor to keep her tied to the town long enough for me to cross the kingdom’s border. I could start leisurely traveling after that. Hopefully with me out of the way, those two can make some progression with their relationship.

When I was wondering how to spend the remaining time until Anahid came back, the invitation from Innar’s group came. Innar’s lewd gaze was very obvious. I was extremely shocked when I read the [Identification] information and found out he laid a hand on both girls in his party. Even more so when I found out that his sister whole heartedly supported having her virginity taken.

I sighed feeling his gaze. The second he found out the truth, it would be obvious what his reaction would be. He’s the same as every other guy. Back in my secluded ‘home’, new guards would always try to rape me when they think no one is looking. With my frail body, resistance was not possible. But the second my clothes were ripped off, they would stare at me blankly before vomiting in disgust. Most of the guards hit me after seeing my scarred body saying ‘It’s your fault I can’t get it up now. Your disgusting body made me impotent!’ Gradually, other excuses were used as they attacked me for fun. To my surprise, one guard took the initiative to help me instead of hit me. It was quite surprising that he went against the mob mentality of his friends. But the look of pity he gave me didn’t make me feel any better. It only hardened the belief that I was hideous to everyone else.

Escaping from captivity, I wanted to try and get my body cleared up shedding away the hideous scars. However, I didn’t want to get it for free from Remilia. I already owed her too much. When I learned [Light Magic], I was excited to heal some of the more disturbing scars on my body. But I didn’t expect my body to reject it so heavily. Only clearing away a simple scar induced an emotional breakdown. It was the same emotional breakdown I felt when I once tried to move away from the tower and towards the mansion unsupervised. I immediately started to panic and my train of thought became abnormal. My mind focused on desperately returning to my original condition to avoid angering my former master. Memories of my cage and Rimmer flashed through my mind as the most important thing in my life and how I was trash without them.

I honestly did not want to relive my past experience of enjoying my captivity. That healing a minor scar triggered such an intense response sends shivers down my spine. I fear I would suffer a complete psychological breakdown if I tried to have an unmarred body like everyone else. Sol’s blessing honestly brought me really close that I thought I would permanently become a vegetable. If she hadn’t been healing me both physically and mentally the entire time, then I probably would have. …If I was at least a little coherent, I probably would have enjoyed a rare chance to have sex without being submerged in pain.

Hah………… with how broken I am, I doubt I could ever consider having a romantic relationship with anyone. Not that any guy would want to sleep with someone so disfigured, both with my skin and even with my vagina. The scars would probably hurt them even if they could get it up.


Oops, that’s the alarm I set. Enough reminiscing, I need to prepare for the battle. I take a glance at my [Status] before the battle

38 (+3)
14 years old
4610 (+300)
3975 (+400)
457 (+37)
545 (+30)
469 (+45)
505 (+45)
620 (+40)
607 (+40)
420 (+30)

Katana Lv. 6 (+1)
Dagger Lv. 4
Martial Arts Lv. 5
Throwing Lv. 4
All Elemental Proficiency Lv. 7 (+1)
- Fire Lv. 7 (+1)
- Water Lv. 7 (+1)
- Wind Lv. 8 (+1)
- Earth Lv. 7
- Lightning Lv. 6
- Light Lv. 8 (+1)
- Dark Lv. 8 (+2)
- Null Lv. 8 (+1)
Magic Spell Proficiency Lv. 9 (+1)
Magic Power Lv. 7 (+1)
Magic Manipulation Lv. 9 (+1)
Magic Body Lv. 8 (+1)
Magic Attunement Lv. 8 (+1)
Incantation Omission Lv. 7 (+1)
Simultaneous Casting Lv. 7 (+1)
Detection Skills Lv. 8 (+1)
-Presence Lv. Max (+2)
-Magic Lv. 7 (+1)
-Enemy Lv. 8 (+1)
-Danger Lv. 9 (+2)
Tactics Lv. 7 (+1)
Retreat Lv. 6 (+1)
3 Dimensional Movement Lv. 7 (+2)
Parry Lv. 6 (+1)
Identification Lv. Max
Analysis Lv. 7 (+2)
Self-Recovery Lv. 7 (+1)
Disguise Lv. 4
Key Duplication Lv. 1 (New)
Keen Sight Lv. 9 (+1)
Hawk Eyes Lv. 9 (+1)
Poison Resistance Lv. Max
Mind Resistance Lv. 8
Disease Resistance Lv. 8 (+1)
Paralysis Resistance Lv. 7 (+1)
Petrification Resistance Lv. 7 (+2)
Storage Lv. Max
Reading Lv. Max
Improved Memory Lv. Max
Persuasion Lv. 8 (+1)
Bartering Lv. 7
Appraisal Lv. Max
Arithmetic Lv. Max
Experimentation Lv. Max
Language Comprehension Lv. Max
Poker Face Lv. 9 (+1)
Etiquette Lv. Max
Survival Lv. 8 (+1)
Cooking Lv. Max (+2)
Apothecary Lv. 9 (+2)
Specialized Growth Lv. Max
Transcending Growth Lv. 1 (New)
Blood Manipulation Lv. Max
Last Stand Lv. Max
Soul Engraving Lv. Max
Concealed Status Lv. 9 (+1)
Skill Development Lv. 9 (+1)
Tempest (Wind Elemental)
Quartz (Earth Elemental)
Aqua (Water Elemental)
Lumina (Light Elemental)
Umbra(Dark Elemental)
Aran Rindal (Lich King)

My stats are abnormal for humans, but they are not enough in this encounter. Either the demons have a level surpassing the Lich King, or their stats are just superior to humans.

I saw clearly with [Clairvoyance] that a defensive battle was pointless. In my vision, I waited outside of town with everyone else prepared to defend the town. But the strength and number of demons quickly overwhelmed everyone in town. The difference in strength was just too significant and our forces were wiped out almost instantly. I did my best to protect everyone, but quickly overtaxed my body. The demons shattered my limbs after that and forced me to watch as they slaughtered everyone. I cut the vision the second I saw them stab through Anahid’s body. That horrible image is definitely burned into my brain now.

Logically, running away would be the smartest thing to do in such a hopeless situation. I honestly want to run with all my might. …But my family is here… I cannot and will not abandon them and I know they would never agree to run. They will absolutely stay to defend the town even if they die in the end. And I absolutely REFUSE to let them die a horrible death. I don’t care if I die in the process! I will drag all those savage demons DOWN TO THE GRAVE WITH ME AND PROTECT MY FAMILY!!!

Author's Note
Back from my break. Hopefully, you enjoyed the chapter. I mostly devoted it to filling in some plot holes I've been putting off. I honestly found this chapter quite hard to do. I've been using 3rd person PoV for so long that I unconsciously revert back to it while writing if I'm not careful. Restricting the chapter to only flashback details makes it much more difficult to get the normal chapter length.

Anyways next chapter will be the start of the battle. Got to go. I have some weekend work to do digging through a bunch of incomplete data and fill it in before Monday.


  1. Thanks for the chapter. Also I first came to the website for "The Cursed White Rose" but I am enjoying this story just as much. Can't wait to read the coming battle it's going to be the second longest week

    1. Thanks for reading and following my works!

  2. Thanks for the chapter and looking forward to more. I don't remember which story I came for but i like them all :)

    1. Thanks for reading and following as always!

  3. Checking if you updated and you had, yaaaaaaay